My First Class at SAB with Suki Schorer

I walk into a huge studio and see about fifteen young women already in the space, putting on shoes and skirts and warming up. Most are looking in the mirror. Dancers are very self-focused.  I go to my favorite spot at the corner of the barre. It is my favorite spot because no one wants the corner. Most girls fight to be front and center in the face of the teacher.  Too much pressure.

Suki Schorer comes in and is all business.   Suki was a principal dancer with the New York City Ballet.  She explains that this class is for her to make sure that we are in the right groups for our abilities and our age.   She starts the class and as expected walks slowly around the whole room, carefully examining everyone.

There are moments when someone looks at you but does much more than that. They look with an educated eye that is careful, discerning, and to me, in that moment, it felt bone-chilling.
That was the look from Suki Shorer. She was looking past a dancer’s turnout or posture. She was looking for something else.
Something that would make a dancer stand out. Something that would catch the eye. There is a type of looking that goes beyond the eyes and into the heart and soul of a dancer.
She had that look. Honestly it was not a look I had ever really experienced or felt.
Not to that degree anyway.
From the beginning of the class I knew by the feeling that this was serious business. This was not about fun and games. This was about that illusive quality that defines talent. Real talent!
I knew in that moment that I was clearly not in Texas anymore. I was not the apple this teacher’s eye.
At least, not yet!
She comes past everyone speaking corrections as she walked and noticed if you shifted what you were doing in any way or not. She looked for focus and a clear mind.
The second time she came around. She took my fingers so lightly, and said, “Reach even further than your fingers. Feel as if your arms are floating and your soul is radiating out beyond your hands.”

I took a breath and with the inhale imagined that I was reaching into and feeling the air past my hands and feet.
“Good!” was her response and kept walking.
I learned early, that it is one thing to get a personal correction, but that I had to remember that every correction is your correction. That is how one improve rapidly.
I listen to each correction and took it to heart and attempted to have that correction make sense in my body.
I look around the room. The other girls are good. Some are very good.
Suki was clearly familiar with some of the girls and knew them instantly by name.
I realized that many had been here before. That gave them an obvious advantage.
While I felt as if I was holding my own. I was not the best person in the class. That was clear. But I had things going for me. Fabulous turnout and extension, I was long legged and lanky. I was pretty enough, and I was smart as a whip.
Talent is one thing but talent with a quick mind is a force to be reckoned with. I knew that would be my personal edge.
I realized early on that there are always girls better at something in a ballet class.
And I was in New York City. I was taking class in the New York City Ballet studios. This is where famous dancers, such as; Gelsey Kirkland, Patricia McBride, and my favorite Suzanne Farrell got started.
Suzanne Farrell and I shared the same birthdate, August 16^th. I loved that she and I were born the same day. I thought it was auspicious! Maybe … even destined!
We finish the exercises at the barre, and we are finally in the center. That is when Suki gave a combination that excited my mind and showed me the possibilities that I had never even considered.
Up to that point, ballet class was very regimented and about repetition and to gain strength and control. But this jump exercise she gave, started in one direction and then made you shift quickly and do the jump into another unexpected direction.
I had never seen such a combination! It was brilliant in my mind, exciting, electrifying, and my body wanted to feel it and taste the sensation of such quick shifts and organic spontaneous flows.
That, is when she saw me. That is when I realized that she saw something in me that sparkled.
Perhaps it was because I was so excited to try it. Perhaps it was because that exercise caught something inside of me on fire.
But as I did this combination, there was a feeling of organic flow that I had not felt up to that point.
I loved the feeling that dancing could surprise as powerfully as it captivated.
I was to realize that this was the New York City Ballet signature. Or should I say, one of them.
And I was hooked. Just like a fish going for a tasty worm that combination was such a tempting morsal that I would throw myself towards that hook, with an abandon. That hook was going to carry me into the next zone of experience.
In the wild abandon of that moment, fear evaporated, and something else awoke.
I did not care that I was being judged, because what was being asked of me was to see what I might have inside that had been hidden.
Suki was looking … not for failure but where there was a fiery finesse. She was looking to see if passion inside could overcome insecurity. She was looking to see if dance had the power to fully move through me. She wanted to see if I could let something inside my soul take over in an instant and move me in the ways that it wanted and if my body could understand this subtle voice well enough to respond completely and fully.
In that moment, I understood dance was about trust.
It was not if I trusted a teacher, a style, my own body, or myself. The test was to see if I could trust an energy to flow through me and if I could merge with that flow to create real art, real beauty, and something wonderful.
In that moment, I realize that nothing is forever. Nothing is certain, life is going to be a constant surprise.
And while people would decide many things about my life, they could not control this feeling.
It was going to be up to me to learn how to manage this feeling, learn to find new ways for it to express though me, and to let it be seen by others.
In that moment, I knew that people judge on a whim, a projection, or their personal opinion. But this the feeling I had in my body in that moment was something timeless and profound.
This was my introduction to the harsh ballet world in New York City.
I felt that I had passed the first test.
Clearly, it would not be my last. But I found something special inside me that had a power to carry me forward regardless of the projections, others might have about my talent, or lack of it.
While I wanted to dance for an audience, I realized that the truth was that I was dancing for me. I was dancing for a feeling. I was dancing for my life.

~Suzanne Wagner~