Remembering Nureyev

I remember the day that I hear that Nureyev died. I was not surprised, nor were any that had watched him during his career, knew him, or any of us that had walked in his footsteps, or the footsteps of great dancers that have inspired us to reach for more.
While I was sad, I had known that this type of ending would be his fate. He lived a dramatic life and in death … his journey would be a performance on an epic scale.
The last thing Nureyev did artistically before he died was to choreograph and set the ballet La Bayadère for the Paris Opera Ballet.
I reflected on how perfect of an ending that was.
He was the epitome of the character, Solar, in that he too was a brave warrior, in love with the most beautiful dancer (himself) and the goddess of dance. He swore allegiance to her and when his love of dance was killed (from the poison of a snake bite in the ballet), he promises to marry another that he is being forced to do by the Rajah. But during the wedding the full force and wrath of the gods descended upon the temple, and all are killed. Thus, allowing Solar to be with his true love in death.
Even with the little I knew about him I understood that not being able to dance … was not a life that he would want to live.
Without the ability to be on that stage and to feel the magic that his body knew how to generate, he would take his final bow and exit.
In the end he refused treatments and allowed the process of death to take him to those next performances in the ethers.
And in his death his soul returned and renewed itself towards inspiring more dancers and those in the artistic worlds that he so loved.
While he was known for his many lovers and excessive tastes sexually, his true love was always dance.
It was interesting to know him and not know him at the same time. I was never a friend. I was never a real confident. He showed poignant things to me at critical times in my life that changed me forever. And for that I am eternally grateful.

In quick, short quips (that he was so famous for) he instructed me in ways that he probably never knew.
He showed me where I had not looked or where I was afraid or unwilling to stretch into.
He was like a muse that would appear at critical moments and then disappear just as quickly.
When he was in any space, he electrified the room with his many moods and attitudes. He was unable to hide disgust, and also it was impossible for him to hide his love of art and dance.
He was a perfectionist and a pain in the ass at the same time.
I will always remember his goofy smiles, that were so much like his love of the television show, “I Love Lucy”. He loved slapstick and repeatedly shoved it into the faces of the serious ballet world.
He was a “Comedy of Eros.” In one moment he could be a clown in the circus of the artistic world. But even as that clown there was something inside that was always the brightest star.
He was a lover to more bodies than I can comprehend or imagine. He was a king that shaped the ballet world into something new and amazing. He was a soul that changed the face of ballet and took men out of the shadows from being constantly behind ballerinas.
He was not here to just make a ballerina look good. He was here to show the world that ballet needed to grow in ways and that the male dancer was more than a prop.
He changed all he touched.
That is the mark of his genius, the mark of a star. And the legacy of a soul who was born to be in a state of constant motion. His soul was born on a train and that would become a part of his legacy. He had trouble staying in one place. That was because he was destined to dance and perform all over the world. Few dancers have danced in as many countries as he did in his life. His spirit is a gipsy moving (even now) from place to place.
I am a different person because of him. I took risks because he showed me how to do just that.
I learned to be of better balance inside and outside because of watching him be unable to quit, unable to not dance, and unable to not be on a stage.
He taught me to retire gracefully and to find other things that would make my heart fly.
So here I am dancing with all of you in the domain of words, ideas, and expressions of our shared human existence.
Make your life wonderful! Make your life magic! Make your life something to be remembered and savored!
It is worth the lifetimes of effort such a thing requires. I am grateful to have so many that touched me so deeply and fully.
Thank you, Nureyev, for the memories and the wonderful wisdom.

~Suzanne Wagner~