Ballet is the Journey Between Balance and Abandon

So often the world only sees performances and while that is a very magical world, the world that all dancers know the best and is the most familiar are the patterns of daily class and rehearsals.

Dancers will wander into the studio to warm up each day and will change out of street clothes into dance attire.

For each person that means something different. Different generations will also dress in a variety of ways depending upon their own training when they were younger and their own personal preferences.

Clothing options have varied widely over the generations.
In the 1970’s plastic sweatpants were all the rage. And they were great for getting warm quickly, but they were also like a personal sweatbox. We believed back then that sweating a lot would keep our weight down and get rid of puffiness from the excess water.

I am not sure any of that was completely true but that was the trend back in my teenage years.

In New York City at SAB (School of American Ballet), one wanted to show off and stand out in some way. My personal preference was to get a leotard of color and sew a matching chiffon skirt to match it. I would do them all myself by hand. They were not hard to do, after all, it is a particular cut of chiffon that is short in the front and long in the back, with a band that is often some sort of ribbon that we could tie around our waist. The two sides come together in the front and overlap allowing for a sweeping motion of the fabric as we would dance.
All the girls had such skirts. Even to this day, it is the prominent style to wear in class and rehearsals.
We also liked to get leotards that were low in the back so we could show off our back muscles. A silly idea because in leotards and tights there is not much that is left to the imagination.

Legwarmers on the ankles were also a must. Many dancers knitted them themselves so they could fit them exactly to their legs and calves.

Keeping ankles and calves warm is a big deal to all dancers. When one dances and then stops the first thing to cool off is what is furthest from the heart and that is always the feet and ankles.

Sometimes certain rehearsals require meticulous footwork, and so bulky or bunchy leg warmers will get in the way. Often, some dancers will take them off to do certain sequences and then when the rehearsal does not require such tight footwork, they will put them back on and then add layers to stay warm and not let the muscles cool off.
Eva Evdokimova (from the Berlin Ballet) was a dancer that always seemed to not care how she looked in rehearsals. She came into class with no makeup on (probably because she was going to sweat it off), handmade legwarmers that were full of holes from wear and tear, a leotard and tights.
That was it.
Simple, understated, and a look that said she was serious and ready to work. Sometimes in the winter she had a sweater on that wrapped around and tied in the front. (Another popular item to keep warm.) But she never seemed to put on any airs and would simply put her hair up with a casual clip, as she had no need to look … put together.

After all, her skill and talent were proof enough of who and what she was. She never needed to impress or show off.
I loved that about her.

But me being a Leo, image mattered more.

In Berlin, as it was so cold, I often wore a full, thin, wool, body suit that was like a unitard to begin to warm up.
Once class started, I would put on a skirt and legwarmers. Most often the skirt would be black, pink, or beige. My leg warmers were a mixture of ones bought at stores or the ones that I had knitted myself.
In my generation, we did a lot of knitting, as we were waiting on the side to rehearse. We also sewed a lot of ribbons and elastics of shoes during those times.

Staying warm in Berlin was a constant issue in those studios because the cleaning ladies liked to open windows and air things out. Let’s just say the Berlin winters are very nippy.
Berlin is higher in Latitude than Winnipeg, Canada after all.

I also wore long legwarmers from my feet to my waist and then folded them over the top of my skirt, using the skirt ribbon to keep them up. But when partnering, they were too bunchy for pirouettes and so they were pulled off during such moments.
As a rule, all dancers first thing in the morning are stiff and sore. It is just the way of things. It is so normal that we make jokes about it. I am not sure I ever remember not being in pain in the morning when I was a dancer.

Some of the older dancers, like Heidrum Schwartz in the Berlin Ballet, would playfully come in and groan as she sat down on the floor to put her shoes and legwarmers on.
She always did it dramatically. It was a part of her personal morning ritual.
It made me smile every time.
But she was not kidding. Aging in ballet is not easy.
And ballet hurts.

As dancers come in, for class there is always playful chit-chat and banter. And then there are the very dramatic gay men that will come in running only to slide under the weighted ballet bars and spin on their butts, and end up in a modified “break dancer” pose for effect.
Such moments make everyone smile. After all, we are a quirky family. A ballet studio is an odd balance of competition, respect, seniority, playfulness, eccentric behavior, and passionate moods that can swing suddenly.
Most dancers have a tremendous amount of self-control.
One cannot get to this level without a powerful mental determination and a type of willingness to do whatever it takes.
Ballet dancers are a rare breed.
I think we have a temperament that is similar to a Dressage horse. We are that horse that is being specifically trained to do something very confusing, complicated, and difficult.
We have trainers that attempt to show us what they want and the ways that their mind successfully achieved and attained specific results. But often we are not completely clear as to what they are going for, nor at times do we understand the look or effect that they are striving to create through us.
My sister did Dressage and I noticed that certain horses have the faculty to do it well, but their temperament is too fiery, and they get frustrated and angry. Such a process where they horse does not understand, is trying, and keeps making mistakes, which then upset the horse and the trainer, will eventually break down the horse.
While other horses just don’t stop trying to make sense out of something that is very subtle and nuanced. They have a type of mind that wants to do it right. Wants to explore what is being offered and wants to achieve something very unique. Some horses want to be molded and see that there is something that comes with seeking that deeper understanding that the trainer is attempting to accomplish from this specific movement of Dressage.

Ballet dancers are much the same. The ones that are too fiery can burn out without the perfect faculty in their body or the inability to get the emotions under control or channeled out through the body and into an audience constructively.
While intensity is wild and exciting, it can also push too hard and break the body down.

Ballet is the journey between balance and abandon, between control and freedom, between inner and outer, and the very subtle understandings of when the body is trusted, the mind surrenders thought, and the heart is allowed to find the expressions that it has from somewhere deep within.
We train our body to do what our mind intends and wants.
But there is a precarious moment when we have to trust the body. Then the mind must give the body permission to let go. What allows the mind to no longer hold the reins of the body is that the heart needs to be stronger than the mind.
Only then can something magical be unleashed that then has the control to express what is deep within and allow feelings and emotions to move freely through the body, without the rationalization, or criticism of the mind or ego.
That is how magic is made and expressed. That is the moment that all dancers long to feel and we know when it happens. And we cherish it, taste it, long for it, and pray to that divine being inside that at another time and place that we will once again experience it.

It is like an elusive magical bird that can never be captured only witnessed in that moment of flight before it moves beyond our sight and purview.
A sight so precious and wondrous that it touches something inside that will be forever changed in witnessing the magic of a spirit and soul in flight as it becomes … light.

~Suzanne Wagner~