Ballet West – My First Friends – Miguel Garcia and David Harrington

 

I have experienced that places hold a type of acupuncture point or align with a particular meridian on this planet. Sometimes I see this world as a baby curled up in the womb of space. And where we are drawn to live, work, love, and experience is because of those particular energy frequencies that align with what we are learning.

In South America, the native people saw the Andes Mountains as the heart chakra of this world. They believe to this day that if you have lost your heart, you will be drawn to this place and that the land and the “People of the Muni”, are there to help you heal your heart.

The people of the high Tibetan Plateau, believe that the Himalayas are the crown chakra of this world. And that is why all the huge monasteries and the philosophy of Tibetan Buddhism calls this its birthplace. Those seeking to open that chakra are called to that place … as sitting on those powerful energies support the opening of that chakra.

I too have noticed how certain places feel so very different. I am also aware that others feel these alignments in their own way. We are pulled and pushed by these energies that call to us and that we decide to live in, create in, play in, and … explore.

Some places hold certain characteristics that seem to stay very consistent throughout time.
Paris is one easy example. There is an aliveness that continues to inspire artists and the qualities of “Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité”.

Berlin continues to be a magnificent city in these modern times. But when I was there it could not help but hold some of the terrible atrocities of the past. What I see even then was the strength of its people and those living there … that were determined to heal this city and bring it back from the terrible destruction that was waged on it because of global conflict.
What I will always remember, is the strength and tenacity of the women who had no choice but to rebuild that city brick by brick because all the men had been killed in the war.

New York City will forever be a place of immigrants and those that sought freedom to be who they were. This city supports immigrants in finding their footing in a new world. It is a city of dreams for so many. It is a city that shows how many types of people can work together and find pathways to success through hard work and effort. It is also a very artistic city that draws a huge variety of artists there because they are supported by the many that hold great wealth, those that look for something new and different, and those that are inspired to help them grasp those new opportunities.

And Salt Lake City, was a place where Brigham Young said, “This is the place!”

Now, I was not there, nor do I know what his personal experience was to make such a proclamation.
But I have to say, I felt the same way. (Though probably not for the same reasons.)

I got off the plane to come into Salt Lake City and I too felt this profound feeling and heard either my higher self say, or an angel say to me, “This is the place!”
Intuition for me is a web of complexity. It is a sort of overlay of words, feelings, expressions, and a physical sense.

So, my intuitive and empathetic interpretation of that simple phrase was more like this,
“This is to be your meeting place. The place of your gathering. All those who have come to join you in this dance to unwind the karma are called to be here. You are to help each other heal, grow, learn, and flourish. This is your assignment. You are to be here, for yourself as well as others. This is the place to step past your genetic programming and become more than the projections of your mind or your ego. The real path begins here. The real journey now lies ahead. They are all here now or they are coming here. Recognize them by the feeling deep inside, recognize them by the look in their eyes, and the opening of all your chakras when they are in your presence. Some will stay, some will need to leave, and others will become a part of your very soul.”

Now, remember … I am just coming off a traumatic life and death event in Berlin. I say (in my mind) back to that voice, “Who gets the assignment in Maui? Why here? Why me?”
But as with all voices that manage to penetrate this density and the confusing thoughts of the mind, I did not get an answer to those questions. It is as though my voice gets swallowed up into the emptiness of space.
At the beginning of my time in Ballet West, I had two advocates and friends. The first one was Miguel Garcia, another dancer who showed up that same year and season as me.
Miguel had danced with The American Ballet Theater II, and the National Ballet of Canada. He had an international flare and so we got along famously. Ironically, later in my life, I realized that I had seen him Dance with the National Ballet of Canada, when I lived in Dallas, because I found an old program and his picture was in it with his name.
I am always surprised by the overlaps that happen at specific times in every life where we almost meet those people that will touch us in special ways, but we just miss. But somehow that connection (as small as it is) does connect … and later we realize that we were in the same place at the same time. It seems that the universe is determined to call us to together so we can support each other. Even when we do not completely realize it.

During my time in Ballet West and in the Berlin Ballet, we had dancers that seemed to sit on the fence in relation to their personal expression of their sexuality.
Now, dancers don’t judge much in this area of sexuality because we are constantly surrounded by those that are testing edges and taking on various characters. We all experience that one-pointed focus towards our art and for many that leaves no real time for relationships.

For any dancer to get to that place of being a professional, they had to channel most or (for some) all their sexual energy into their art.

Passion is passion … in any form. Passion for art seems much less messy than passions that include the complex feelings of others and the deep vulnerability that comes with intimacy, sexuality, and relationships.

Miguel was so nice to me and a fabulous dancer with a mastery of technique that was clean and precise. But while it seemed to me that he was probably gay (and that was fine), he seemed (much like me) overly focused on the dance and had put sexuality … mostly to the side.

In Salt Lake City, I remember him telling me that in the signing of his contract for an apartment, there was a stipulation that “no funny stuff” would be going on, and that “guests were not allowed to spend the night at his house!”

I had never heard of such a stipulation. But in this very conservative city … in a Mormon dominated religious area … it would not be the last time I heard or experienced such phrases or statements.

Miguel and I had a tradition to go to “La Caille at Quail Run” in Draper for Sunday Brunch.

It was a re-creation of a French Chateau at the base of Little Cottonwood Canyon in Salt Lake City. It was a lovely, picturesque place, positioned to look up the canyon. It served a French style brunch with all the beautiful croissants and omelets.

We both were desperate to have some decent bread after living in big cities with European flavors. And this was our treat to ourselves … and a bit of a splurge. Because we were only making $330 a week. And a $40 brunch was something very special.

We both enjoyed it immensely and would talk about so many things as we compared experiences of performing in different countries, while walking along the creek, visiting the swans, and hearing the peacocks call that wandered the grounds.

When I was with Miguel, I felt safe, heard, and like I had met a kindred soul. He was always lovely and so gracious to me. Having someone to just do anything with … made me feel less alone. There was never any sexual connection with him as ours was a friendship based on mutual understanding as we both felt like the outsiders.
The other person who saved me from a very different angle was David Harrington.

He was the massage therapist with the ballet. He had totally volunteered to help the dancers as he loved the art.
Ironically, he had seen and noticed me when he lived in Dallas, Texas. He was a veterinarian at the time and had attended the Southwestern Regional Ballet Conference in the 1970’s. He even remembered Arthur Mitchell in a class, focusing a lot of his attention on me and also saw me dance with the Dallas Metropolitan Ballet in our showcase performance.
Later on, we also realized that we had been in New York City together though we had never bumped into each other.

I love how if we really ask the questions and explore with others, there really is that 6 degrees of separation. But in the case of both Miguel and David, that was more like one or two degrees.

On many levels David saved my life.

After coming from a bitter, cold place like Berlin and having almost died, I needed some extra TLC. He was more than happy to give it to me.
I noticed that … he too … seemed sexually confused. My instincts said that he was gay … but he was married (for the second time) to Dorothy. In his first marriage he had adopted three children and, in the divorce, got custody of them from his ex-wife at a time in New Mexico when such a thing was never given.
Dorothy was a fabulous woman who I adored and would remain friends with … till the day she died … and she and I would have many spiritual adventures together that I will tell at another time.
David would show up before shows to give massages. The company gave him a special room by the stairs leading up to the stage.
At the time, this was a huge luxury because with our salary at Ballet West, we did not have money to spare … like I had in Berlin.
My body was a total wreck. I was weak, tired in ways that I did not understand, and feeling displaced and lost.

But Dave was a generous person who sincerely wanted to help. He would play Steven Halpern music on a tape player, and I would be able to stop for a moment, rest, and rejuvenate.

That great kindness I would try to repay in his later years … when I offered him a place in my home for his retirement.
He became my office manager, and we had many great years together. I would end up turning my garage into his special music and television room, because I knew that he is spiritual family for me. And I for him.
When he came to Utah on a trip to find his place for retirement, he just happened to call me and I was going to LA for work, I offered him to stay at the house for free if he would be willing to take care of my animals while I was gone. Not a bad arrangement as he was a retired veterinarian.
He agreed and when I came home, and I found he had painted my wood flower beds in the front of my house, the house was clean, and dinner was ready.

My comment to myself was, “What am in thinking! I don’t need a husband I need a wife!”

And by that point he knew he was gay.

At this beginning in Utah, he was one of my few friends. I didn’t really know how to let others in to help me and his genuine care for the dancers allowed me to open up, trust another, and begin the long and slow process of healing.
Both of these amazing gentlemen were special to me in a time that I needed it the most.

Clearly this was the place.

Clearly, I need the gifts that both these men carried at that time.

Time is a funny thing. It lives on … beyond memory and beyond the karmic changes that we all take and that can change us.

Even now, I can still feel myself sitting with Miguel at La Caille watching the swans and collecting peacock feathers. Talking, laughing, and comparing stories.

Perhaps some of you will see our ghosts still flowing through that place after we die. If you are very perceptive.

I can still see myself on the massage table at the Capital Theater, face down … groaning as Dave worked through the very sore muscles in my body.
While both Dave and Dorothy are on the other side, I can feel their spirits as they come in and out into my awareness. And I say, “Thank you!” to them all the time.

Miguel still is teaching the techniques of Pas de Deux in Arizona, to those lucky souls that find him. And I hope to see or hear his voice before I leave this world just to reconnect and to say thank you.
~Suzanne Wagner~