Favorite Performances – Rite of Spring – With Helen Douglas

 

I was gifted to do another principal role for the Helen Douglas production of Rite of Spring.
Once again, Helen’s unique choreographic style was brilliant, progressive, and caused us to ponder the deepest issues confronting our world at that time.
The music is known by everyone, and it is a famous Igor Stravinsky work.

I had seen many versions of this production but the one that Ballet West did was by far the best in my personal experience.
She took the idea of looking deeply into the progression of life on the earth, from reeds, to fish, to monkeys and then into man.
But her intent was to reveal the dysfunction inherit to mankind … of how humanity will repeatedly attack, kill, and destroy anything that is different.
She showed the brutal attacks from tribal apes … to anyone showing special abilities or traits. How those below the evoluationary cure seem to become a threat to the established “norms” of a society. She showed how we have descended from groups that had this primal instinct that is afraid of any change. And how that works against us rather than for the greater good of all of us.

This ballet showed the history of mankind and how they will kill any person showing signs of being outside the “norm” of the society.
She showed the Crucifixion of Christ, and then showed a nuclear holocaust that completely ends the world as we know it.

Throughout all the deaths happening … she allowed us to peer into the possibility that there was also a highly evolved creature that (to her) was something between a vulture, and eagle. It was some sort of demi-god, that would come in and gently collect the souls and the bodies of dead and lift them up to heaven and back to the divine. This creature would do it gracefully and with great care and love. She would do it as an offering up to God, but also a calling for God to intervene and shift the consciousness and awareness of the mankind … off of so much death, fear, and dysfunction.
In the ballet, when humanity finally destroys the whole world, this demi-god creature finally has had enough of this insanity, and she demands from God … that she gets to create the next form of life on the planet. She goes into a tirade and eventually God relents. She wants to cultivate a pathway through the density and allow the evolution of one soul to break past the barrier of distortion, hate, and fear.
And so … she creates worm-like creatures that cannot see. They are blind and so they must learn to feel through the barriers that block their awareness.

But sure enough, once again, eventually one shows signs of beginning to see past the barriers imposed by the demi-god creature.
But this time she protects that creature and does not allow it to be killed. Repeatedly, she protects it and blocks those less evolved from killing it.

At a certain point she opens its eyes and allows it to see the history of this world and all the death and destruction that has happened because of those being unique and different. She allows it to finally be able to fully open to the past, present, and the future that is possible.
In that moment, it can see everything.
Once again, the blind creatures want to kill it … but this demi-god has the power to not allow that to happen.

And in the final moments of the ballet, she allows the creature to evolve fully into its potential.
In a crescendo of music, the creature becomes just like her. And in the final sequence of music, she is dancing with the beauty of another powerful reflection of this human potential. Then together they fly away … into the light, freed from the trappings of suffering, fear, hate, and pain.
Together they ascend, then everyone that was blind on earth is also freed and in those final moments, they too can see.
The metaphoric ending to this climactic ballet and music is there is a great gift that manifest when we allow one soul to fully evolve to its highest potential. And that is … that allowing differences saves all the life on the planet.

You can see how this story is so powerful, profound, insightful, and poignant for where we are in history even now.

We have to protect the souls that reach beyond this limited existence. We cannot keep allowing fear, hate, prejudice, and war, tear down the societies that are trying to break this world into a better potential.

I was greatly honored to be this demi-god creature in the ballet.

Technically, what she required from me was more than I was able to do at that time (or any time) in my life.
In my mind, it needed an Evdokimova, a Galina, a principal dancer who had the technical proficiency to do this work justice.

I felt woefully inadequate.

But it was a task given to me. And just like the creature/character that I was express, I also was here to uplift and allow to evolve into another dimension inside. I needed to allow a part of my human self that was to become a demi-god to evolve past my own fear. I was being asked to lift beyond my own limitations that were holding me back.

I was both those characters inside but playing the more powerful one on stage. I was the embodiment of this character, and I was feeling attacked by the outer and inner worlds.

This ballet taught me that while we can blame the outer world, so many of us tear down the good in our inner self with constant complaining, inability to adapt or change, resisting what is new and innovative, and having unrealistic expectations on ourselves instead of appreciating what is unique and special about us right now.
What we have and who we are inside is perfect. When we allow the societal demands of external sources to determine who and what we are … not only do we fail but we are actually letting the world down when we do not become what we could actually be.
This ballet was more important to me than any other.
The physical demands where technically beyond my capacity. And yet, to fail in this endeavor would have been the loss of an opportunity that rarely comes along in life.
I believe we are all born into moments in time. And we are asked to stretch where we can when asked.

Most allow fear to stop them from what is wanting so desperately to get out.
To say I was terrified is the understatement.
I feared failing the profound faith that Helen had put into me.
I feared not becoming the embodiment of such a powerful character.
I feared that the audience would not have their own eyes opened by my (potential) lackluster performance.
And I feared failing myself.

That is always the biggest fear of all.

 

I remember, a week before opening night realizing that I really did not have the technical ability to do this role justice.

I was meditating, and I fervently asked … begged … and prayed for help from the “Goddess of Dance” to come and help in this very important expression.
I asked for her help to become more than I was technically so that I could do this ballet justice.
As a dancer, the music is so important! It sets the tone and the quality of movement that desires to make sound visual.
Music goes through the body and activates those places within that transcend time, space, and the limitations of this life. If one can ride the waves orchestrated by the heart of a composer … then we can become the embodiment of something that while it may manifest briefly, it can ignite the possibilities that lurk in the hearts, minds, and souls of those fortunate enough to be the witness to such events.
There are ways to call the powerful energies of a higher essence to you.
True heart-felt supplication without the intent for personal fame or glory is one of them.
I did not want to be known for my performance.
I wanted to do the ballet justice and to inspire humanity to think.

I believe all great art is just that.
It comes from the core of an artist to be an inspiration to those that see it … We wish for everyone to be better, and to open to the possibilities that exist if we have the courage to take them.

Many times, in my life, I have felt that what I was doing was never about my personal fame. But about that I had an agreement to open some person … who would eventually open another person … and another … until it generated a wave of inspiration that would allow a great and powerful soul to awaken.

This was such a moment.

And as with all very magical moments, I had called something divine to attend.
And she would come.
She would allow something beyond this time and space to descend but not stay in this dimension. Such powerful essences do not really fully exist in this time and space. They can touch down briefly but they need a body that is willing and open to move into and through.

I was about to be that particular vehicle, but I did not yet … in that moment … realize it.

Tomorrow, I will give the rest of the story.

~Suzanne Wagner~