Reflections on Change

I am over in Westport for my birthday and getting out of the heat and into more cooling winds by the coast. I am grateful that life pointed me in this direction and for all the challenges that it generated. I have to say that I have grown a lot moving here to northern California. I learned all new ways of doing things, and I have become a much better person.
I remember hearing the angels say that in April of 2010 that everything was about to change.
Then I looked up the astrology and realized that an eclipse was going to hit my natal sun directly. That portends big shifts.
In Astrology, my Sun in Leo and my Uranus is also in Leo. That means they are conjunct. Therefore, beginnings and endings in my life are … shall we say, drastic.
By that point in my life, I was somewhat used to it. I understood that certain things cannot be changed in life, and this was clearly one aspect that was required for my evolution and growth.
I put myself in a personal growth workshop on that eclipse and everything became clear. I knew I was supposed to move to northern California.
Then literally everything started falling apart. Everything began unraveling.
My business in Salt Lake City, started backing off, I could not pay my bills, and I was using my savings to keep afloat. And that had a limited timeframe. Quickly, I realized that I was going to have to sell my house.
The universe was literally forcing my hand.
The great gift was that I had been dating my current husband for a few years and he wanted me to move to California to be with him.
As a Leo, I rarely get only one option. In this case, that was all the universe offered. One option.
What I knew was that my life had been weighed down by taking care of my assistant (who was actively dying) and needing to also face the facts that he needed to be somewhere with his family. My mother also needed to go back to Texas to complete some karma that was there for her to address. And I needed to be in California.
Inside, I knew that was true. Inside I understood that the universe had a plan, but from that current level of understanding, I could not see why.
That why would become very clear over the next 5 years.
I always say that I often need to be pushed to change (Leo’s can be very stubborn) and this time the universe pushed me hard.
I am grateful that the divine had a plan. Honestly it was a much better plan that anything I could have come up with.
There are times that we need to leap not knowing what lies on the other side. The reason for that is because all change is very difficult. The lessons that were going to need to unfold … were not going to be easy or fun. But they were going to show me that life could be very different and much calmer. But I would have to let go of almost everything.
In California, I was to explore new ways to be happy that did not require the type of intense effort that all previous methods had demanded.
Would I do it all again? Yes.
Would I go back to that old way. No!
And that is how you know that the path laid out was always correct.
Life is filled with changes. What that one taught me was that I do not always know the correct path for myself, but I do know how to read the signs and follow them.
I do resist and fear what lies ahead … especially when I cannot see what that might look like. I also know that when the gut instinct takes a hold of my soul, it is a powerful force and voice that I will not ignore, even when I am in terrible fear.
I am grateful to all the lessons I had learned that taught me so much so that I had the courage to leap into the unknown at that time in my life.

Honestly, I might not be here at all otherwise.
The stresses and strains of this life had been taking a toll that I did not completely realize or how serious they might be until later. I knew my old life was killing me and that I needed to get away from Utah, but it took many things to get me to make that leap.
There is another life on the other side of fear. Especially if you know deep inside that your gut and that inner voice has been repeating a theme.
Trust that when it happens. If you get a full body expression and knowing then follow that wherever that may lead. The universe has a plan. Sometimes we are just too hard-headed to do it until we have no more options.

~Suzanne Wagner~