5/3/20 is the number 12. If you add the 5 + 3 + 2 + 0 + 2 + 0 = 12. 1 + 2 = 3
The number 3, is the driving force of hope that makes humanity seek out experiences that are new and different. We are infinitely curious. We want … something else. We look for the exotic and unusual.
Embrace that part of the human condition and remember that once you discover something that is different than what you are used to, do not judge, do not look for where it is less than you. Look instead for the gift of another perspective and another way to live. All cultures have great gifts to share with us. But when we judge we stop the process of learning in favor of validating our experience and feelings of supremacy. Learning to be open to the gifts that present in each moment is what this number is about. Being fully present and discovering that when you stay curious like a student and step away from your own superiority and belief that you are the teacher then you are open to receive the gifts of others.
The Moon continues in the practical and organizing sign of Virgo. You want to be productive and get things in order enough so you can relax and feel a sense of accomplishment.
Things seem blurry and confused. You are in pursuit of something but you can see that it is less about a goal and more about a path that you are presently on. You might feel as if you need to step back from others so you can get a clearer perspective.
Take an honest look at who and what you have neglected. If it is you that you have neglected, then it is time to make a radical change. If you do not love, honor, and respect yourself, no one else will either.
Venus squares Neptune on Sunday evening. Be very clear that you are willing to see relationships and finances for what they are. Don’t go into fantasy thinking. Make sure you get in touch with your true values and priorities.
Notice the sensations and instincts that are becoming more awake. It is often painful to be totally aware of the suffering happening in this world. You recognize the reasons that you had numbed out. It is just that now, you do not have the luxury of gapping out because there is too much at stake. One false move has drastic consequences.
The Moon is in Virgo Opposing Neptune. This can make you feel out of balance. You will notice the insincerity of others. You may feel more nervous and you deeply desire more consistency in this world.
It is time to become the stability that you wish to find in the outer world. Then you will have something to feel really proud of. Just know that you are not alone in this awakening. While at this moment things seem one-sided. Know that in truth, this is a massive global change. And thank yourself for being willing to be awake at this amazing time.
Your dreams and the reality continue to clash. You wonder what has happened. You can’t believe that this is where the world is at. You know you care. You know you desire a better world.
Never let that feeling go. Hold onto that feeling tight.
Let that be the compass as you move forward into uncharted pathways. Know that disappointment can be a consequence of going “off road” and going into a very new world. It is okay to make mistakes and learn as you go along. You have changed. You can feel it. You are not sure that you wanted this particular experience, especially right now. But now that you are on this path, there is not going back.
Be proud of yourself. You are taking a road that you have never traveled before. Who knows what it holds? This is going to be a great adventure. Trust your soul. Trust your instincts. You got this!~Suzanne Wagner~
“Until you can hear the heartbeat and song of the river.
Until you hear her voice speaking to you,
we are going to be still and let her in,
so she can clear out all that cluttered thinking in your head.
You have so much noise inside.
So many questions.
But fear is hiding behind all those thoughts?
And you are none of those things.
None of those things matter at all.
You do not need to be told who you are.
You need to experience who you really are.
The moment that happens you will be content and at peace.
And once you are at peace all things are possible.
Without peace, your life will be a race without any end.”
~From my Inner Guide when I was 19 – Suzanne Wagner~
Meditating when I was in my late teens, I was on the quest to find my inner guides. I looked at many different guided visualizations and worked to combine my favorite techniques and came up with my own version of an “Inner Guide Meditation”.
(You can find my version on my YouTube channel.)
As I was on that path of self-discovery, I was putting myself though metaphysical “hell” in order to get there. I now see how much I needed to make things a challenge.
Somehow I believed that harder was better.
I fortunately now know different and I recognize that it is my ego that makes things hard and it is my ego that resists giving my right brain any power or control. My left brain and my ego fights to stay in control by making the natural process of exploring the mystical world of the right brain complicated and difficult.
Which in reality it is not. But you have to learn to listen and notice. You have to not rationalize things coming in ….. away.
My first Inner Guide from these meditations was a man with a blue turban and a long beard. He was about 35 year old, calm, patient and on so many levels perfect for me.
What was odd was that I became like a 5 year old when I began meditating with him. I recognize now that I had a frozen child self from that age and that it was his job to help her overcome her fear and mature into an adult.
I would sit in his lap and he would tell me to close my eyes and listen to the river.
I would dutifully do that but it was boring. I was always an antsy child and adult. It was difficult to sit still. Which was probably why ballet was so fabulous for me.
Eventually, I would say to this Guide, “Aren’t we supposed to be doing something? Aren’t you supposed to be teaching me something important?”
He would smile down on me and say, “I am teaching you. We’re learning to listen to the river!”
Well, listening to the river did not seem so important to me and I told him just that.
But he would patiently try again to get me to learn self-discipline and patience and say, “Until you can hear the heartbeat and song of the river. Until you hear her voice speaking to you, we are going to be still and let her in so she can clear out all that cluttered thinking in your head. You have so much noise inside. So many questions. But fear is hiding behind all those thoughts? And you are none of those things. None of those things matter at all. You do not need to be told who you are. You need to experience who you really are. The moment that happens you will be content and at peace. And once you are at peace all things are possible. Without peace, your life will be a race without any end.”
And so we would sit and he would wait for me to find a calm center.
In this process of waiting in the meditation I would notice that I was slowly growing up. I was no longer 5 years old but 7, then 10, then 14, then 18 and finally I was the age in the meditation that I was in real life. But that was not good enough for him. We continued to be still and listen to the world of nature and I was suddenly 30, 42, 55, 67, and then an old woman who could watch the world go by and not feel attached to the world or even need to be a critical or important part of the world. I was of the world and a contribution to the world but the games of ego and self-importance washed away in the sound and song of the river.
It was a great lesson. It showed me a place and potential within for self-fulfillment that had nothing to do with goals, karma, self-importance, fear, power, or attachment.
That lesson comes into me again and again when I get hooked or attached to an outcome. It has been a guiding principal of my life and one that I continue to work on.
I recognize that everything in this world is a game. I see past the facade of many things. I watch the egos attach to outcomes that manifest from their desire body. And I know that I am no better than anyone or anything. I am just like them. I am humbly walking the path towards clarity.
I will stumble. I will fall. I will pick myself up and have great compassion for my human self. I do not judge her attachments or desires as I know it is a part of the human experience. But I know that beyond all of that is a place of presence and peace. And that “she” is within me watching my human antics with a smile on her face and love in her heart.