Ballet West Kid Tours – Navigating the Politics of Mr. Hart – Part I

 

I have never been a good politician in any realms that required such things. In ballet, there are many ways that the politics play out and I have never been a person that could be an ass kisser without feeling like I wanted to throw up.

There is a difference between doing an Academy Award winning performance to get released from my Berlin contract and another thing entirely to subjugate myself to the insane whims of a director who never had my best interests at heart.

There are places and moments in time when it becomes clear that the writing is on the wall and that things are not going in the direction that is going to be fulfilling.

I knew the moment that Bruce Marks left Ballet West to take over being the director of Boston Ballet … that things were never going to be the same.

I knew that my career was going to wind down because Bruce Marks was a director that saw something in me, promoted faith and belief in my abilities, and gave me opportunities to expand and to become something … more!

It was a rare gift. I know that not all dancers felt what I did … but there was a special something that connected him and me and I embraced the gifts he offered and tried to do my best to become something deeper inside that longed to awaken.
There are many parts of this ending that seemed to consistently unravel over the next three years.
I tried to deny that they were happening but deep inside I knew that eventually the only doorway would be to leave ballet entirely.

I never … ever wanted to be a ballet teacher. I could never have stomached the Ballet Mom’s in the studios. I would have thrown them out on their ass for some of the stunts I constantly saw so many of them do.

In my own childhood, I refused to let my own mother into the studio. I chose to confronted ballet teachers myself and dealt with the issues that arose to the best of my immature abilities in those moments in time.

And I did not do all those moments well.

But I learned each time I tried. I was honest, sincere, and I tried to be authentic in every encounter.

Some used it against me and that is to be expected from certain types of egomaniacs … but I do believe that some … such as Bruce Marks appreciated the intention behind my actions and words.

In the end, I knew I would have to live with my actions and choices. I would rather take responsibility for my mistakes than to spend a life whining about what others did to me.
It started when they announced that Bruce Marks was leaving for Boston Ballet and the authorities or “Guild”, had chosen Flemming Flindt the director of Dallas Ballet, to take over from Bruce.

Being from Dallas, I knew all the news about Dallas Ballet, and in my normal outspoken fashion, I blurted out in shock, “Do you know who this person really is? Do you know that he did a very controversial ballet naked on stage where he performed his own suicide with a knife in a very Avant Garde, production in Europe? And you are bringing this man to Mormon Utah with that type of reputation? How is that going to go over when the forces within the Church find that out. Oh! And you are merging Ballet West with Dallas Ballet! Are you insane! Do you not know that Dallas Ballet is five million dollars in debt? And you are the cash cow for this person to save his reputation? Seriously?”
I remember their stunned faces when they realized their mistake and their lack of follow through in checking this person out.

The meeting suddenly ended and for a bit we did not hear anything more.

That was until one day when there was going to be a new candidate who was going to teach ballet class for us.

In walked Mr. John Hart. A former principal Royal Ballet Dancer. He was in his 60’s and seemed kind and understated. He honestly admitted that he really did not teach classes much anymore and so this was not his strong suit.

His class was fine, and he seemed a decent person and somehow … he passed without drama.
The next thing we knew was that he was the new director of Ballet West.

At the beginning I was hopeful, but I did go to Boston Ballet and audition to check out what things might be like over there.

But much to my disappointment, the cost of living once again for a large city such as Boston seemed prohibitive, and I opted to stay put.

Besides Bruce was different over there. Something huge had shifted in him and I was sure it was because of the death of his ex-wife Toni Lander. It seemed clear that he wanted to clean the slate and start over.

On all levels, Boston just did not feel like the thing to do. So much so … that I did not even ask if he would hire me for Boston Ballet.

Everything about it felt wrong for my path and my life.

So back to Ballet West and dealing with this very stuffy English Director that seemed okay on the surface … but something just did not feel right either.

But as we say, “The Evil we know!”

The next thing is that I am suddenly promoted to Soloist with Wendee Fiedeldey and Lisa LaManna.

I am happy, thrilled, confused, and uncertain as to what is going on.
It was not that I had not earned that position, but it came from a place that I did not think that Mr. Hart really knew who I was.

But I talked myself out of being so gloomy. After all, I had finally gotten an acknowledgment that I had always hoped and dreamed for. This one was also hard earned.
I probably should add in here that I had gotten Mononucleosis and ended up with Chronic Fatique Syndrome but no one knew what that was back then. So each day was a struggle.

The irony of that illness was that I got it just before Toni Lander died and there is a long story around me, her, and the karmic journey that we were both on during that time.

I was deathly sick in bed when the news came that she had died. In my very weakened state, I knew she had died, and it was a whole other story that I will tell at another time.

Suffice it to say that her death took a toll on all of us at Ballet West and then Matthew Degnan died right after. It had been a lot of death in just months.

A few months after that, Bruce was off and we were on a new trajectory for Ballet West.

I tried to stay positive.

This was a new era for all of us.

And I should be happy because I am finally in a more prominent position … right?

But something inside could feel the end of the ride approaching.

That train was going to come in slow … but it was coming in steady.

While I did not know exactly how all things would unfold, let’s just say that eventually one has too many signals to deny what lies ahead.

I will tell you more tomorrow.

~Suzanne Wagner~