Favorite Performances – Rite of Spring – With Helen Douglas – Part 2

 

The day of Opening Night arrived and the entire day I was ridiculously calm. That seemed odd from the beginning.
Especially after being so stressed and insecure for weeks. But I was grateful for this sense of peaceful calm that seemed to hover over me. I felt as if I was in some sort of protective bubble, and as far as I was concerned, that was lovely.

A soft but firm voice said inside, “Everything will be fine!”

For some strange reason I believed her.
This voice seemed very different. She seemed distantly familiar but not one of my regular guides.

When one works with the subtle energies outside this reality (as frequently as myself), I notice that I have learned how to distinguish the tone, resonance, syntax, and verbiage of my important individual guides and angels.

After all, it helps to know whom one is talking to.

But this one had a deeply calming effect on me.
And I liked it.

I have learned that as I go through powerful shifts in my life that I can have (what I call) transition angels. Such beings come in for one task and then will leave when that task is complete.
I assumed that she was one of them.
I get to the theater, my usual 3 hours ahead of time. I am putting my shoes together and organizing my make up table so things can move swiftly and efficiently.
I do my hair and I am starting on my makeup.

As I am doing my eyeliner, the only way I can describe it … is that I am quickly sucked out of my body … only to discover that from my perception, I am suddenly above my body … watching something else in my body putting the makeup on.
The other odd thing was that all sound became sort of … muffled. Like I was in a cotton ball trying to hear what was happening. I was inside some sort of slightly permeable bubble.
I could not do anything but watch, observe, and yet I could oddly feel her body and how she moved and her very different point of center in her being.

I call that her assemblage point. How the core of her being was aligned inside my body would arrange the energy ever so slightly different.
She finishes the makeup and puts her shoes on, puts the costume on, and goes out onto the stage to warm-up.

I usually do not warmup backstage but that was where she wanted to go, as there are dark corners that one can hide in and the crew is so busy getting things ready that they often do not pay the dancers much mind because they have more than enough to do … getting everything ready for the performance.
There is something very intense about this creature inhabiting my body. She is extremely powerful, infinitely confident and is clearly avoiding talking to anyone. Her bubble is one where it sent out a message for no one to talk to her.
The performance starts and I watch from my perfect seat … above, as this being that is clearly some sort of a goddess or demi-god … takes over and shows me how it is done.
She effortlessly takes over the stage.

The choreography that made things feel so difficult for me, was effortless for her.

In this show, when this vulture/creature/goddess comes on stage, the stage is dark with a spotlight on the person who had died on stage, and I/she enter with double spotlights on her as she comes in … to pick up the body and the soul and lift it into the higher realms.

The double spot lights had been so difficult for me because I have a condition in my eyes where for (as long as I can remember) my pupils are naturally more dilated than others. It gives my eyes, that powerful saucer-like quality that allows my eyes to seem bigger and more penetrating than others.

But when I am hit with double spots, it becomes so bright that I am almost blind.

The ridiculously difficult turns in this ballet were made harder because of that. To turn well, all ballet dancers do something called “spotting.” Meaning that we pick a focal point and keep our eyes on that point and then spin around and snap the head when the body requires us to shift our gaze.
It allows us to stay more balanced and gives us critical reference points spatially …so we know where we are.

But with the double spot lights on me … I could not see anything but white. And so … my turns on stage (with this lighting) had been off and I was not able to do what I wanted to.
However, she had no problems at all.

I could feel that the lighting did not bother her because she was space. She was a goddess descended to show me how it was to be done.

It was all about being in the flow of the character with the music. It was about learning to trust in that flow and know that it was powerful enough to carry me through the performance.
As a dancer, while I could turn, doing more than three pirouettes was difficult for me. But for her it was nothing.

In fact, she technically did things that I was not ever able to do in this lifetime.

She was so confident in her ability … she taught me that technique was only the beginning ….

I realized that it was all about letting the energy out and allowing that energy to extend in all directions equally.

When that was allowed to just be a fact rather than some ideal, then those filaments would hold me up, no matter what I was doing or feeling.

The game was to allow the energy in. That way I was inside a powerful web that became a part of the continuous flow of life force that connected to all things.
She was me, but she was a great bird that does not exist in this dimension. She was earth but she was something divine. She was a creature that completely embraced the darkness of death, and she was willing to release life from its suffering.
But while she was willing and able to flow with death, she was not death.
She was hope.
She was life seeking to find a better balance and if that balance could not be found here then she would help that essence find another form to reflect that wisdom that it carried within.
She was the epitome of dance itself. She was the passion of perfection. She was the freedom beyond ego. She was the enthusiasm beyond arrogance. She was timeless and infinite.

It was breathtaking to watch her take this choreography and slightly change the flow of it to accommodate her desire to float and linger in a turn that seemed to on the breeze like a feather of weightless potential.
I was mesmerized and in wonder at who or what she was.

She never gave me a name. I do not know who or what she was or is.
She did not live in the domain of labels.
She did not live in these domains of duality.
She was the full embodiment of that duality.
She showed me what mankind had the potential of becoming … if we would just surrender our egos need to be seen and just become one with the flow that was life on this planet.
She was the force of the cosmic winds that envelope this world and the worlds of others.

She was the breath of inspiration and the exhale of surrender.

And she was perfect just as she was.

The curtain came down and she took one bow and then she was gone.

Just as quickly as I was lifted into my celestial seat … I was thrust back into the density of this body and found myself standing on stage, taking the second bow.
The curtain comes down for the final time and I am trying to figure out what exactly … just happened.

I am trying to feel back in my body and to feel my feet again, when Helen Douglas comes running down with huge eyes searching for me and comes up to me and grabs my shoulders saying, “I know that was not you. Your body just did things that I have never seen you ever do. What happened? Who was that? She did everything that I dreamed of for years from this ballet.”
That is when I realized that the power of Helens prayer and dreams, combined with my total surrender and deep heart-felt request for help, had opened some magical doorway that allowed in this being to show the world and all those in the audience … something very magical.

I explained to Helen the story I am telling you and she stood stunned and with her mouth open in shock.

Then she grabs my hand and says, we have to see the video. I wonder if she is on video.

We rush over to the video and not surprisingly, the video is blank with the exception of the sound from the orchestra.
The video is white!
Totally white!

Helen fast forwards the video and backs up again and again. But that video was empty of any visual record.

This creature appeared but did not want this performance recorded. She was not here to show proof of the alternate realities that exist and overlap into this reality. She came to give a gift and was completely unattached to having any impact other than to all those present in that audience and those on the stage.

She taught me a lot about the manifestation of magic. It appears and then disappears. It exists to show something and to make a point. It comes to teach and create a portal that might help others open and eventually transcend this reality.

She needed nothing from this world … not acclaim, not fame, not money, or status. She was here to give her gift and there were those worthy of that gift in that moment.
Helen and I stood in shock and wonder and what had just transpired. We knew we had witnessed a miracle. We knew that we had been touched by something divine.
And we were both forever changed.

My world shifted that day and a doorway opened that was to take me towards my true calling. Which was not necessarily ballet. There was something bigger that broke through and I saw this world differently from that point on.
I am a dancer, but the form of that dance expanded into something much vaster than I could have ever perceived.

I became a dancer of the swells and waves in life. I became a dancer in the cosmos of infinite time. I became more than the form of ballet. And my gifts would forever move lyrically and with a music of their own.
I became the music and the composer.
I became the dancer and the choreographer.
I became the human and the angel.
I became unattached to what seemed so humanly important.

I knew that I would be taken care of by forces that have eternally existed, and that death was nothing to be feared because it was a step towards the next experience of expansion that would be required to reach ever higher.

~Suzanne Wagner~