There are moments when you feel as if you are in a barren desolate wasteland in search of water and safety. You want to collapse and stop but you know that to do that would be a terrible idea. The month of May will feel like this.
You are shifting and everything is in disarray from the wild ride of the end of April and the Grand Cardinal Cross with the eclipses. You want to find what is home and safety to you but it feels far away. April put you through a type of metaphorical death. To keep going when you want to stop seems pointless but you are not dead yet and some part of you keeps saying, “Keep going!” So that is what you are going to do. All you can seem to manage is to navigate this moment; then the next and then the next. There is a deep desire to try to make sense out of the changes, the incompletions in your life, and the deep feelings that are surfacing. You feel as if there is a wolf at the door and if you make one wrong move… your journey will prove pointless.
I wish that we could transform without being challenged. I wish life would stay nice and consistent. And yet we know that life does not work that way. May is a month of constant adjustments and continued blockages. There is nothing to do but deal with what is right in front of you.
Projections from others abound because you are not the only one feeling the pinch. Each of us will feel as if we are facing an insurmountable challenge and upon reflection we may just think that we have “missed the boat”.
Do not worry. Sometimes we make choices and the outcome is not what we intended. In life the only game is to take risks and change. Sometimes those changes were to get you out of restrictive circumstances. The universe will offer a temptation to get you to move but often in the end you do not get the “goodie” that you thought you were going for.
Remember the song, Me and Bobbie McG, by Janis Joplin. In it was the refrain, “Freedom, just another word for, nothing left to loose.” In May we want freedom. We want to find a place of balance where we can just be ourself. But family, work, children, drama, upsets, world issues, global crises, money, etc. just keep getting in the way.
You might feel right now like you want to say, “To Heck with it all.” But you know that does not work either. If you did, in the end you would resent yourself and that would be worse. In this moment you have to look at the wounding that is up from your life. It is time to stop chasing some utopian feeling and stand your ground, take responsibility, deal with the situation, and learn some new ways to cope emotionally.
I know this is easier said than done but you can feel how this “thing” is bugging you. Turn around, face the fear, find another answer, grow up and discover something about yourself. There is no reason to not try. It feels strained enough right now. A new option might be very refreshing. After all, you have nothing left to loose after the intensity of the last two weeks of April.