We Are A “Parts Party” – Navigating the Past Lives Selves into this Current Incarnation

 

Having come from the very classical German Opera Theater reality and moving into a smaller company (Ballet West) with a more diverse choreographic expression was interesting. It pulled me out of the tight box of classical ballet and allowed me to see the creative potential that is truly an American tradition.

In Berlin I had many moments of being in rehearsals with the old classics such as Swan Lake, Les Sylphides, Giselle, Petruska, Firebird, Coppelia, and Nutcracker. In those ballets, everything seemed somehow familiar.
I was easily cast in these shows (for obvious reasons), as this was a classical company that loved to promote the big productions with the powerful orchestral scores and amazing sets and costumes.

I had moments when things felt too familiar.
I wondered if it was just me.
Didn’t I already know this choreography?
Didn’t I already know this musical score?
Did anyone else notice this feeling?

Honestly, I was too afraid to ask anyone. It sounded sort of crazy.
Places also that felt eerily like something from a dream. And they seemed very close to the surface.
Some places seemed oddly like a Déjà vu.

It had happened throughout Europe and in places like Israel.
But in certain ballets like Les Sylphides, when they wanted to pull the dancers into the crimped arm positions of the 1800’s … it grated on my nerves as the shortened positions that were popular at that time … seemed to look stilted, feigned, fake, and as if we were pretending to be in another time and place that no longer existed.

Besides, the style these days was much more extended, long, graceful, and allowed the feeling of the ephemeral.
I noticed that Evdokimova elongated the arms a bit and tried to shift the style from something ancient to something within a flow of classical … but somewhat evolved.
Standing in the corps … dancing … I wished we had been allowed to do the same as her. But in such a ballet we are the background and the frame of the picture … not the high point of the performance.

As a corps dancer we do a lot of standing, posing, and creating moments that allow for either a chaotic energy of movement to enhance the emotional context happening, or we are being still and part of a backdrop for the principals dancing in the center.

There were times that I felt that I wished that ballets were allowed to modernize.
Much like certain creative geniuses took the story of the Wizard of Oz and twisted it into the Broadway musical, Wicked!

And while in this modern generation of choreographers … that has happened. In my generation there were not as many brave choreographers that were attempting to make that leap.
Ballet dates back very far and many of the classics are from the early 1800’s and the Romanic Period.

That period of time seems oddly familiar to me, like there is a part inside that was trying to capture something that was lost in another time.
I believe inside we are all a “parts party.” What I mean by that is … that I think that while we have a brain, it seems that we only use parts of it at certain times. I believe that within those hidden spaces and sacred places, continue to exist the memories of who we have been in other times and the wisdom that they carried.
Finding a way to tap into them is the tricky part.

Our consciousness in this lifetime is the Chairman of the Board. But inside there are many board members. Those past life parts are a part of that board. And there are also archetypes inside …such as; the victim, the nun, the warrior, and the healer.

Depending upon your past experiences certain ones are closer to the surface and rear their head up into our consciousness when something familiar to them … arises.

Ballet brought out … a part from that Romanic Era. She was young and familiar to that style and movement. The music was almost so familiar that I could hear it ahead of the orchestra playing it in that moment.
I wondered if it was just the nature of the history in theaters. And how such places hold powerful memories, moments, and echo’s from the past that continue to try to live through the dancers and performers now.

But then there are moments that cannot be explained.

One of them happened when I went to visit my father in Paris. I had never been to Paris before (at least not in this life), but it felt so familiar that it was spooky.

Wandering around this ancient city, that had been a city for a thousand years, was easy and effortless.

The cobblestones felt familiar under my feet, the fountains seemed friendly, the smells seemed to move beyond this time and into the memories of another moment just beyond my ability to clearly perceive.

But then in a rush of knowing … like a video going off in my head, I recognized a place. I found myself wandering north of the Ile del la Cite in Paris, and found myself in the Jewish section of the Marais.

It was so familiar that I knew the names of the streets before I got to them. I knew this place. I knew where home was. I knew I had lived above a Deli on a corner. I knew I was the illegitimate daughter of a Count, and I knew I was a dancer.

As I continued to follow my nose, I came out onto the famous home of the Paris Opera, called: Palais Garnier.

I knew my way around that theater and did not know why or how.

I felt as though I was in a fog and as if I was a mist still dancing in this reality and another.

It was hard to explain to anyone and immediately my head hurt in a way that I would learn later was a pattern that happens when we access past life memories.

But in that moment while some things were clear, other things were hazy and distant.

I had felt this same feeling when we went to Jerusalem with the Berlin Ballet. I oddly knew where I was and what gate we had entered. Even when the other dancers said we were at one gate, and the Church of the Holy Sepulchre was in a certain direction. I knew that we had entered another gate (not the one they thought we were at), and I insisted that the Church was in another direction.

I ended up being right. I did not know how I was right, but I knew I was.
Such moments are past live parts showing their wisdom and knowing through leading us in the right directions and towards a more whole and integrative self.
Seems that when we put ourselves on sacred ground that we have walked before, the echo’s of our past … awaken and remember. Then they begin to quietly guide and lead us in the proper directions … as if we need to bump into those familiar filaments in order to remember, integrate, and become more whole.
I believe this lifetime is a rare moment that everyone has the potential to visit those special places through international travel and hopefully be aware enough to bump into who we were, who we have become and who we need to integrate to become more whole.
If you ever have a deep yearning to go to a specific place or country … go!
That could be your past life self … attempting to help you remember.
Listen to those impulses and discover that amazing adventurer that is simply on another ride in this Wonderful Dizzying World.

~Suzanne Wagner~