Blog – Awakening

The more a soul awakens, the more they are no longer a part of the mass unconsciousness that drives karma forward.

One of the essential steps in every soul’s evolution is the need to feel as if they belong. Belong to a group, a mindset, a religion, a set of beliefs, or a movement. While it is such a very important step, it is actually only a first step that evolves at the beginning of ones awakening.

I am grateful that I seemed to have walked in an old soul. I have never really had that need to belong to any human organization or group. The only group that I belong to is the one that desires to support the best that humanity can become and to embody as much love and authenticity as I can, while I am here.

I walked away from the Catholic Church in first grade, after a drunk, alcoholic priest lambasted me in confession. At 6 years old, I knew that everything he said to me was a lie. I was not the words or labels he was yelling at me. I knew I was good. I knew I was divine. I knew that I held only love inside. I knew all his upset about sin and death was an illusion, a manifestation of his own fear and guilt, and a construct that karma used for us to learn and grow.

I walked out of the confessional and said to my stunned mother, “I am never coming back here! That priest has something very wrong with him!”

That was when I realized that the people in positions of power and authority did not know more than me. In fact, they had lost touch with something that was natural and (as far as I was concerned) more essential than dogma … true spiritual connection to the divine.

I could see that when we lose touch with the spiritual side of our own nature … we will grasp onto others and those tools and beliefs that people in positions of power will use to control our minds and (if we let them) our very souls.

I remember a guru telling me that I was not supposed to be a devotee. That I had already evolved beyond the lessons that were needed for a soul at the beginning of their journey. He said, “Look at these people in the ashram. I have to teach them how to eat, breathe, meditate, become more present and conscious, how to be just in their body and fully in this moment! They have no self-discipline and for sure, no mental or emotional discipline.”

“But look at you! You have all of those tools. I do not need to give them to you, you embody integrity in everything you do, say, and express. You are congruent with truth and how you are here to share that and give it out into this world. You are not attached to money or power. Your ego while highly developed was necessary for you to weather the powerful forces and constraints of your childhood and being a professional ballet dancer. You needed to trust and believe in yourself or you would not have made it.”

“You are not here to be a follower but to be a leader. Your path is your own. It is not for me to say or dictate what that is for you. Your intuitive knowing is strong, and your wildness is intact. You are congruent with your core and know your value. It can take hundreds of lifetimes for souls to be in your position.”

This is why you will have to find your own path. This life is a synthesis of many lifetimes. It will be up to you to put it all together and give it meaning and magic.”

I will be forever grateful to him for explaining it that way to me. It has been a guiding light in my life. I am not here to fit in. I do not belong. I am not to follow a path. I am here to create paths.

To some I might appear as a teacher. For others, I am someone whose truths and awareness makes them horribly uncomfortable. I am not trying to be either. I am simply trying to embody the light and divinity within and support those that are ready and that can find me.

I am not here to be a teacher on a specific path. Nor will I require you to follow and believe everything I say. I am here to help you find your own path and the truths that you embody. Nothing more and nothing less.

I am the teacher that is curious to discover paths that have been forgotten. I am the holder of secrets that were given to me in other times and places.

And I am walking more deeply into the giant redwoods that are my home. I crave not the limelight of my youth but the speckled light of ancient wisdom and truth.

If in your heart you cannot be kind, you will not find me.
If in your soul you need still to belong, you have not realized or remembered who you are.

If in your mind you need to be special and validated, you are still a prisoner to your ego.

But I will call to that spark that is inside you that longs to awaken. Even if you do not ever know my name, I will sing to your soul from the ethers. Even if I am no longer here … when you are ready, you will find my words, my videos, my books, and my shared wisdom.

When you are ready, you will find me. I have been here for a very long time. And I will be here when that time is right for you.
~Suzanne Wagner~