Remembering, Learning, and Reaching to Become More

I remember those difficult conversations with my father over ballet versus college. In my soul I knew I had to reach for this goal even if I failed. I had to try because this life would not move along some predestined trajectory if I didn’t.
But such a feeling is hard to explain to an adult.
Especially an adult!
As a young child I learned that adults were often so disconnected from source as to be an impediment to my core knowing, rather than an asset.
Adults were so overwhelmed with what they were trying to accomplish in a day that they had forgotten how to play, how to relax, and how to feel beyond themselves and into the magic that constantly surrounded them.
And as a child, explaining something so deep in my core, in my inner knowing, was hard to find the words that would convince any rational adult.
I knew that dancing held the answers to many doorways that I sought.
I knew it was not going to give me the total understanding of the end goal of this life, but I knew it would be essential for a level of awareness that would eventually place me on the path that would make the purpose of this life make sense.
They say to master anything, one needs to do it 10,000 times. While I was not a superstar in the world of ballet, I did master steps and sequences by repetition and practice many of them over ten thousand times.
I knew that a certain level of mastery in ballet would give me the answers to secrets in my core, places that I intuitively knew but needed current patterns so I could follow a trail of energy that would lead me to new levels of awareness and insight.
Ballet taught me discipline, focus, intention, and the willingness to try and fail.
The latter is the most essential for recognizing that to do anything well, one would need to make lots of mistakes.
Those that fear failure will never succeed.
Those that refuse to try will eventually go numb and fall into habitual patterns of dysfunction that lead … nowhere.
I knew, I had somewhere to go.
I knew I had a task to explore and discoveries to find. I knew that the external experiences would become greater if I understood my inner self and the magic that inspires great art and beauty in this world.
I knew that this world needed more beauty, art, and ways to express the many complicated feelings that arise in this density.
I knew ballet and dance offered many of those doorways. I understood that this pattern felt oddly familiar.
A life filled with art, music, beauty, and wonder is never wasted. A life filled searching for those deeper places and layers of understanding that make up who we are, what we feel, and why, is a life well lived.
Some search for enlightenment.
I search for those things that are keys that open doorways into moments that are “enlightening.”
I am not seeking to be at some magical endpoint of total awareness.
That is because I do not believe that is what enlightenment is.
I believe all experiences in life can be gateways towards enlightening moments. And the more of those moments one seeks, the more consciousness expands.
I don’t want to ever stop evolving. I want to continue to grow and explore in this domain and in others. I know that this is the greatest joy in my soul. I seek to learn and grow. I seek through that growing to begin to make sense out of this reality … knowing full well that there are many millions of other levels and dimensions yet to be explored.
Ballet was a tool for me to discover how so much in life can be interconnected.
It showed me that magic is alive and well.
It showed me that risk has reward.
It showed me that moments can be eternal.
It showed me that each of us contribute to the magic that we intend to create.
And it showed me many keys to many doorways that helped me grow, open my eyes and heart, and learn how to create connections of who I was in many past lives, with who I am becoming now.
And ballet showed me how to weave this moments of magic into something that could give life to who I am yet to become.

~Suzanne Wagner~