Nutcracker and Getting Sick

In Nutcracker we have 6 casts of children running around, excited, and dreaming awake their dreams just as all of us did in our own ways back when we were young. But children are walking petri dishes of viruses and infections. And Nutcracker is always done in the winter between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day.
That is prime cold and flu season and I personally found it impossible to not get sick in the run of Nutcracker.

In Ballet West, we performed every day and sometimes on weekends twice a day. Every day the casts changed to give the children all chances of perform and have that invaluable opportunity to be on stage.
Astrologers explained to me that because I am a summer sign, that in the winter, my Leo biorhythm is in the opposite position, and it puts me into a weakened state during the winter. That made a lot of sense because it did not matter how much I tried to take care of myself, do herbs, acupuncture, body work, etc., I always got sick during the Nutcracker run. And that series is the big money-maker for every ballet company. And every dancer dances every night, without fail.
At my time in Ballet West, it was recommended that we should not downhill ski. Because such injuries are devastating to ballet dancers and during Nutcracker, replacing dancers was even more difficult.
It is emotionally exhausting to have to dance when sick. But in the tradition of the theater, “The Show Must Go On!”
Every year, like clockwork I would get, sinusitis, then bronchitis, and finally pneumonia. Even now, my lungs are still scarred from this yearly event.
And dancers are a tough bunch. We will keep dancing no matter what! We are like the motto of the Postal Workers, “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”
On particular grueling winter, where the Nutcracker children seemed to be constantly sick, I was once again, very ill. But I had to keep going. I had a fever, was having trouble focusing, I was coughing, and very miserable.
My friend Mary Ann Lind, was concerned and tried to convince me to go to the doctor.
But I was one of those weird people.
I could keep going, if I did not admit that I was sick. The moment I admitted how sick I was, I would completely collapse, and all my will power would be gone.
Then I was screwed. Denial is a powerful tool to keep going.
So this day, she is trying to convince me to go to the doctor because I looked like death warmed over. I was resisting because I was preparing to do Waltz of the Flowers Pas De Deux. And this was a difficult part and had some complicated lifts in it. I did not want to lose that small hold of control I had on my psyche.

She kept insisting that I go to the doctor and I kept saying that I was okay.

I was not okay. That was clear to everyone. Including me, but I needed to go on stage shortly.
In sheer frustration she finally said loudly, “Okay fine! Die then!”
Stunned, I looked at her and realized how serious she was and that she really did care about me and saw that I was probably more ill than I wanted to realize.

Which was very true!

Then we both laughed!

And I conceded to go to the doctor the following day and get antibiotics.

To this day we still have that phrase as a joke when I get stubborn. Which as a Fixed Fire Sign of Leo, used to be often.
And with a gleam in her eyes, she will say it in that same strong tone, staring at me.

Every time it makes us both laugh.

Humor is often more helpful to break us out of rigid mindsets than all the crystal-clear mental arguments.
I have never forgotten that, and I use that tactic to this day with myself and others that are being stubborn.
How often do others see what we need more than we want to admit?
The answer is … often!

~Suzanne Wagner~