Honest Conversations About Life

Yesterday, was a day where some more difficult decisions started unfolding. My sister and I knew over the last few years that my mother was failing but she did not want to admit to the unfolding pattern that was happening to her.
In February, my father came to me in a dream and demanded that I go and move my mother to TouchMark. He woke me right up out of a sound sleep.
I was supposed to teach a workshop with my friend Jackie Brinkerhoff in Lindon, UT that weekend but I changed everything cancelled the workshop and left the next day to go to Spokane.
And my father was so very correct.
Over 6 weeks, I managed to unravel my mother’s entire life, sell the house, sell the furniture and get rid of all the 86 years of accumulation that happen with having a Taurus mother.
Inside both my sister and I knew she needed more help but her going to independent living was the first step.
Now, only a few months into the process, it is clear that she is hallucinating much more, is hearing voices at night calling her name and telling her things. She believes that the cat is getting out of the apartment when it isn’t, she cannot do the simplest of tasks, and from testing we know that her brain is shrinking dramatically and on a cognitive test, where normal is 30, two months ago she was a 13.
Even while I was there, I was literally watching my mother fail in front of my eyes. And that has been rapidly progressing since.
What is good is that there are many sets of eyes on her and what is clear is that she needs much more care. But she is a Taurus and does not do any forms of change well.
The staff spoke to me yesterday and we are going to start moving her into Memory Care because their evaluation is that she does not even fit in Assisted Living. She is having one crisis after another, she is afraid all the time, she thinks people are coming into her room at night, she can’t turn on or off the television, she cannot work a microwave, and she cannot take a shower and figure out the hot and cold.
Today, the staff is going to start the conversation with her about moving to another wing of the space so she can get the help she needs. In this section (where she is currently), they do not have the staff to constantly cater to her confusion, crisis, and fear.
We have an appointment with her doctor on the 23^rd, but in this world of bizarre availability to medical care, that is the first opening that is available.
I told the staff that they can broach the conversation with my mother, but I know that she is going to go into her classic Taurus resistance.
But I agree that she needs more care … even when I have nursing staff, that comes each morning to help her get dressed, take a bath, etc.
I wish for her to have this stage of life move gracefully and quickly, and I know that each of us will do it in our own fashion.
I try to remember what the gurus would say, “Oh, dying is the easy part. You just move out of form and into being energy once again. Which is our natural state. But being born … that is the tough part. Squeezing your energy into this density is really difficult. And going through the birthing process is really hard!”
I wish for all of us grace in all our transitions. We are all experiencing these big waves of change from this intense astrology. None of us will be the same as this astrological process continues to unfold.
Step with grace and appreciate all of life.
None of us are immune to the ravages of old age and may we all be as kind as is humanly possible as we embark on those journeys.
And may all entrances and exits be filled with wonder and great joy.

~Suzanne Wagner~