Deep Layers of Wisdom Kurk in the Mud and Mess of this Life

I am at the age where the reflective power of observing my life, is very insightful as one learns to get honest with what is currently unfolding, the lessons learned, the potential patterns yet to face, and the inevitability of noticing the exit doors that seem to be coming towards me.
My life has been filled with wonder and magic, art and passion. This life was about confronting fears that seemed to want to crush my spirit and keep me safe inside constraining boxes of karma that my soul believed that it was destined to break free of.
And I can honestly say that I have broken through so much fear, anger, grief, and loss in this lifetime.
I have tried to face many monstrous fears with courage, but I have not always been successful.
In life, it is not only the winning that counts … it is in the willingness to try.
Oh, I have tried to find doors that did not seem obvious. I have crawled on my hands and knees looking for keyholes that were hidden, and that I intuitively could feel were there.
I have been bruised and bloodied by the effort.
I have collapsed right before the breakthrough.
And I have been my worst self when others were attempting to try to love me.
I have escaped to the grounds of castles and pretended to be the princess of that castle while having my own private picnic. I have invited others walking on the grounds to join me in a snack while chatting about their lives and what was important to them, in an effort to break out of deep feelings of heaviness that seemed to want to collapse hope inside my soul.
I say all this because I know that everyone has such feelings and understands that we are all in this together. Everyone will face tremendous obstacles in this life.
Everyone will fail in moments.

But look right now to those successes that you did overcome.
Look at what you have accomplished and be so very proud of all the attempts you have made to move past karmic patterns of upset, conflict, and suffering.
Today is a day when I suggest that the kindness, we have shown to others be the kindness that we show ourselves.
Reflect on the journey that has been exclusively your life.
Appreciate the ups and the downs.
Love all parts inside that have done their very best to do what is right.
Know that the greatest lessons are in the patterns that do not always go so smoothly.
And know that what matters … will be in what this life persistently tried to teach us, through thick and thin.

Know that those things that continue to arise over and over again, are those things that we still have not yet fully understood.
Today, try to take certain repeating patterns and dissect them with fresh eyes and new insights. When we look past what we want and into what life is teaching, that is when we will discover those deeper layers of wisdom that lurk in the mud and mess of this life’s patterns and ways.

~Suzanne Wagner~

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